December 28, 2009

* what did I learn in 2009?

I've come to the realization change is one of the constants in my life. (DUH!)  Accepting this premise has lightened everything up for me.  With the acceptance of constant change comes "letting go", a sort of comforting detachment to everything.  A knowing nothing is permanent, nothing belongs to me - I am simply a caretaker.

I have released many things about myself and my life which don't serve me well.  I'm learning the more I let go, the easier it gets.  Simplify.  Simplify.

Downsizing of my earthly goods has been a huge exercise in letting go.  It feels cathartic.  It feels cleansing.  I'm learning what is important to me, and what is just 'stuff'.

I've moved again this year.  I've left my home and rented it out.  I've taken up residence in a very small walk out lower level.  I learned I need a place of my own.  I'm learning I need space.  I'm learning I require light.

A very old and dear friend from Australia was here for five weeks this summer.  I learned how much I love my friends.  I learned I need to have fun.  I learned I need people around me.

I've moved forward in the Flying Solo department.  I've taken short journeys by myself this year and enjoyed it.  I can have dinner alone in a lovely restaurant and not get a pit in my stomach.  I'm learning to love myself.  I'm learning to be alone and not be lonely.  This is one of the biggest life lessons I have.  It simply keeps repeating itself over and over and over.  .... baby steps!  I am 'getting it'.  Perhaps once I have a 'Ka Ching' moment with this lesson, I will find my tribe again.

I am learning, slowly, slowly, baby step by baby step to get out of my own way!!!  The obstacles are usually in my head, not on the path!

I've learned I cannot live in a high rise.  I must walk out onto the earth.  I need a little garden.  I need to feed the birds.

I've learned I need to create.  Creating completes me.  It's part of my purpose.  How it all fits together, I'm not sure yet.  What I know for sure?  It's a need, not a want.

I'm searching for and discovering my creative voice, little by little.  I've learned it must be expressed.  Not expressing my creativity makes me ill.   Still learning how this all works.

I've learned I must push myself out of my comfort zone in order to grow.  I'm becoming more comfortable out of my comfort zone.

I learned I have no idea how to be proud of myself.  I want to learn.  It's on the list for 2010.  Awareness is the first step.

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.  ~Alan Cohen 

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